Here is where I vent my frustrations and deliver bitter bitching and moaning about whatever comes my way. Whether it be about stupid people, ex lovers, public policies, dating and relationship games, sex wars, or public ignorance and intolerence over healthy open sexuality and perhaps kink stuff too. :)
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Does penis size really matter?
If you're asking this you probably know the answer because it has already affected you. But for the hell of it, let me just answer it. YES!! Is it the only factor that determines that your relationship will work or not? NO (at least it shouldn't be), but it certainly factors in. Someone tell you otherwise? LIES! Complete bloody LIES I tell you.
The importance of penis size varies from woman to woman. In the case where she has said "I think your size is fine, besides size isn't that important." It's probably because regardless of the size she enjoys having sex with you or loves you enough to deal.
Somehow guys have super paranoia about their size that us females just don't get. The measuring your penis thing really throws us for a loop. The G-spot is about one to two inches inside the vagina. So length isn't really that big of a deal. Just find the G-spot and get to be its best friend.
But hey, we all like it differently. And even if a woman likes a relatively small to medium sized penis, every now and then she may want it deep and hard which is a little easier to accomplish with a larger penis. That isn't to say you are completely unable to satify her.
When women suggest that they like 10-inches they don't likely mean a 10-inch pencil. Which brings us the true concensus of what's important to most women. GIRTH (and longevity). But in all cases, a woman can only take but so much. No point trying to blow up an ant with an A-bomb when a grenade would more than do the job.
If you think your size is preventing you from satisfying your partner and this is extremely important to you, you must utilize all the ways necessary to complete that task. It will take communication. You have to be willing to put in the work to compensate. If you happen to find a partner who doesn't want to have sex anyway an orgasm probably means very little and intercourse is not likely to be enough. She may want more of the connection or intimacy than physical stimulation and you should work toward that.
Find out what your lover enjoys most about being intimate with you. Whether that be _____ (fill in the blank, e.g. kissing, cuddling, caressing, massaging, etc). Then incorporate that as much as possible into intercourse, foreplay and afterplay. Yes, even after you orgasm, do the ______ (fill in the blank...) even more. Don't just roll over and die. Your partner will really appreciate it. And never underestimate the power of sex toys. You may think you are king kong lover but you can't begin to compare to that many strokes or licks a minute. Just trust me on this one.
Ingredients of a healthy sexual relationship are much more than a penis and a vagina. They include love, respect, trust, capatibility, tolerance, and a willingness to help the other partner feel good, to name a few. When these ingredients are not present a good relationship simply can not exist, regardless of size.
See: http://www.the-penis-website.com/, http://www.penis-website.com/, http://www.the-penis.com/, http://www.my-penis.org/, which are all dedicated to penis issues. Some of the information is repeated on these sites but if you want to be thorough search around.
C'mon now. Are you really friends? Really?!?!? If you weren’t getting the benefits would this person still be around? Of course if you have no life and no alternatives, the answer really doesn’t matter in your case. Do you even do anything besides collect the benefits from this person? Cuddling or barricading the person in your apartment/home so no one knows or sees you together does not count. Do your other friends know this person? Even if you believe you can answer all of the above correctly, you still aren’t off the hook to think this is perfectly acceptable behavior and terminology.
Generally these types of “friends” tend to be old lovers or potential suitors who’s interest wasn’t returned. Suitors come in all varieties: those who want to be with someone who isn’t willing to commit, simply doesn’t want to be with him or her, or is unwilling to fully invest in a relationship where one or both of you are moving soon, just to outline a few. Yet the poor chap holds out hope that maybe, just maybe, something will happen and the persistence and generosity will get the desired result. I mean, hello people! Part of a wo/man is better than none at all, right?
As I said before, this friend can also be someone from the past. Sometimes people use this arrangement as a way to wane feelings off gradually or just to fill a void for the moment. In either case at least one person is being used even if willingly.
Indeed, it is hard to tell someone who you know has strong feelings for you, particularly if you enjoy hanging with the person, “hey let’s just get wild and freaky without me committing to anything.” When pressed against the wall, many - instead of saying that or something perhaps a little more sophisticated but equally frank - implode on the moral road of integrity and slide ever so graciously into the milky way of selfishness. Why not do the up-front and honest thing? Because that will probably mean getting nada, zippo, squat, and that just doesn’t cut it. Yes indeed, the strife life decisions bring.
So instead you attempt to draw out the dating game or agree to get into a dead-end relationship that will at least enable you to use the unsuspecting person up and then throw them away like an used condom that wasn’t changed between partners.
And since you didn’t really care for this person anyway you probably are out hunting for more poon tang or perhaps someone worthy of actually having a full, open relationship with your rotten skanky ass. *sigh* Ok, now that I’ve gotten that out my system. Despite the bitter name calling, I certainly don’t blame you, completely. Hell, I’ve been there on both sides of the table. Let’s face it: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
But don't think you won't be left one day with a throat full of cookie dough and only two drops of milk. When that rose-colored glass is shattered or the wool over the person's eyes sheds, be prepared to lose both your lover and friend. Is an orgasm worth all that?
Sheesh…
That’s not to say two people can not just want a sexual relationship. But mind you, it is a relationship. Yes, a relationship. And a relationship with rules none the less. (:-O BASTARDS just boxing you in either way, huh.) But you know there had to be rules, right? Otherwise things get out of control. You certainly can't have the FWB arrangement interfere with your "normal" dating life. And you have to be sure to keep your emotions in check. Scratch off being jealous or needy because this person isn't obligated to you nor you to him/her.
Damn, where does that leave you? With all of the rules that go into having the so-called friend with benefits, it's just about as stressful as the drama you were trying to avoid originally. Seems like a lot of work for someone you don't like so much right?
So what happens when it's time to end and move on to a more stable relationship? The FWB relationship comes to an end and someone's left feeling pretty abandoned and tossed away.
Lastly, call it what it is. You’re fuck sex buddies! Doesn’t sound really appealing and you wouldn’t really want to say that to your true friends now would you. So what?!! Why does the need/pursuit of sex have to be labeled something cute and neutral as to not offend? You probably shouldn’t be doing it if you are ashamed to even call it by name. After all that’s what you are. You know each other; you may hang out from time to time; hell perhaps you may even find a way to respect each other but friends I don’t think is in order here. I use buddy to define the purgatory between acquaintance and friend but you can throw in any relative noun.
That’s where I stand on it. To summarize: Be up-front and honest about what you want (and be consistent). Take only as much as you’re willing to give (even if not in direct exchange). Don’t buy a donkey today and expect it to be a unicorn tomorrow (or ever for that matter).
So happy fucking to those who willingly participate in this style of relationship (safely). To those who are being used, get a clue and just give up if you think allowing someone to use you for sex or to fill a void in their life is going to get you to your prince or princess at the end of the day.
As a southerner I think I was raised (reared) with good manners. Even still there are some things you’re supposed to know or figure out. For instance, as a reasonable rationale adult, shouldn’t you know not to take or use something that isn’t yours without permission from the owner(s)?!?!?
Why, oh why, do people visit, see someone’s phone and just pick up and start dialing and chatting it up without even thinking to ask if they can? And it burns my rubber when someone does ask if they can have … let’s say, the last drops of my favorite Twister, as half of it is already in their glass :-X. What the #$%&!!! Or in the case of the telephone, they have already picked it up and started dialing.
HELLO!!!! Sorry, but did you hear me say yes? Get it together people. Think! It really isn’t that hard. If it isn’t yours, you have no right to it. If you are hanging out at your best friend’s house where you are 98% of the time and you KNOW you can. Then don’t ask. But don’t get that twisted with a new “friend” who you rarely go see or whom you may know is sensitive about things like this. And keep in mind that just because someone allows you access once does not mean you get it twice.
Furthermore, be thoughtful and considerate.
Consider that you don’t know who the item belongs to. Perhaps it’s a roommate’s or another friend’s stuff. Do you plan to replace it? Would you want someone using your things like you’re a free for all 7-eleven? Probably not. So don’t do it yourself, you dunce.
So the next time you see that pack of juicy fruit, don’t just grab a stick. ASK!! And by all means don’t go the suggestive statement route, ok? e.g. You don’t mind if I have this right accompanied by it landing on your tongue. Most people are nice. Me being the moody heifer that I can be, I will straight up tell you: Yes, I mind and you should spit it out or I’ll be pulling it out of your throat.
Rant & Rage
